Inferiority Complex: It is Real. It is Valid. It is Ok to have it. Environmental Changes could be key to managing it.

Inferiority Complex is Valid

Inferiority Complex: a real and valid thing affecting many people. Even official sources like American Psychiatric Association (APA) explains it.

Inferiority Complex is NOT Pride

Yet some dismiss inferiority complex it as "Not true" and wrongly attribute it to a pride problem. What warped and ridiculous thinking. What's worse, these guys are spiritual leaders... must be narrow-minded ones. Perhaps they grew up in environments where they hardly needed to suffer from inferiority complex, and/or the "sin of pride" is a concept so ingrained in them that they apply it wrongly to situations --> if so, that reinforces my hypothesis that they are narrow-minded - they see things through a single lens and only through those lens.

They misled me to believing other fallacies too, such as seeing autism books as idolatry (it doesn't matter even if I got obssessed over the books and the topic of autism, it does NOT mean it is idolatry). Such nonsense they told me!

Environmental Factors

Inferiority complex is not solely an internal/intrinsic issue. External factors play a big part too. In other words, it is not solely nature, but it is (perhaps largely) nurture.

Does being autistic make one MORE prone to inferiority complex? I think not in and of itself, but YES when in combination with environmental and social factors, such as (list not exhaustive): 

• living in a Neurotypical-dominated world not built for you, 
• growing up among competitive and/or high achieving family members, relatives and acquaintances,
• growing up in a society like Asian cultures where ableism, discrimination and gaslighting are so pervasive. 
• Being ostracised by those around you
• a combination of more than one of the above

Is inferiority complex more pronounced when in the company of people younger than you? Well, it is not the age factor in and of itself, but it is the unsaid societal expectations or values that somehow expect older ones to be a good example or role model for those younger than them. Those who have younger siblings will know this feeling. But it need not be restricted to only siblings, it could be among younger cousins, friends or even acquaintances in any given setting or group.

Can inferiority complex manifest in spiritual environments too? Of course it can! 

Let me share my personal story. I suffered from inferiority complex for a long time. My older sibling is such a high achiever and so smart, that I always felt inferior that I don't match up. She had many friends, I had none. She was popular, I was ostracised. Moreover, in those younger days I was not diagnosed with autism yet and I didn't understand my social awkwardness, lack of friendships etc. , so much so I was conditioned to believe I was stupid. One can surely imagine how that will worsen the inferiority complex.

Among my paternal cousins, I am the 5th oldest out of 13 cousins. Naturally, inferiority complex (and increased social anxiety) will plague me given how in Asian families, the older ones are expected to be good examples etc., but yet I could not be that to my younger cousins and they never looked up to me... even worse, they didn't accept me for who I was (remember I am talking about a time we were much younger. So none of us understood autism and neither did they have maturity of thought back then, to have the thinking "we should accept Wes as our cousin even if he is 'different', awkward, annoying and the like. Because we are a blood family").

In spiritual environments, people around me, older and younger, were progressing so much faster than I was spiritually. Being a neurotypical-dominated environment, coupled with people's lack of understanding of autism, people thought of me as weird, annoying etc. I was ostracised too (so much for a community that claims to be "where people care for people"). In such environments, some younger ones do look up to older ones, but in my case, not only did younger ones not look up to me, I even needed them for various contexts where they are better than me (such as guidance on appropriate social behaviours according to neurotypical standards, among many other things).

It is perhaps not uncommon (at least from my observation) that in a group of people having a meal together, people look to the oldest one to pray on behalf for the group before eating, and perhaps even lead the lunch/dinner conversation. In cases where I was the oldest however, I will be disregarded by others and everyone will look to the second oldest in the group.

Contrary to the myths perpetuated by those who frown upon this as a pride problem, it is NOT a pride problem. I am not saying pride doesn't exist in humans. But I am saying it is a wrong application here. 

Every human needs to feel validated, belonged, accepted, valued... it is simply human, period! To constantly be on the 'outs', the oddball etc. and failure to meet societal expectations (which are arguably an artificial man-made social construct), it is only natural to suffer from inferiority complex. 

Side-note: even when I educated those leaders few years later, why inferiority complex is truly real and is not pride, these leaders never admitted they were perhaps incorrect in their evaluation nor apologise for the damage they caused (whether intentional or unintentional). - Ah, this is TRULY pride! The people who frowned upon inferiority complex as pride (when it is not) are the people who display pride the most! Ironic huh?

TLDR; Societal expectations, the kind of people one is surrounded with, one's upbringing, culture and other environmental & societal factors can make one suffer inferiority complex. As well, being ostracised, being on the 'outs', can and does aggravate the existing inferiority complex.

There is Hope; Changing the Environment

A few years ago, I finally came into the autism community. Inferiority complex diminished greatly (even if it didn't completely disappear). I believe there are clear reasons for this:

1. It was here that I felt accepted, belonged, valued and validated. It was here I met people who are like me - autistic, different not damaged, divergent not defective. 
   
   
2. It was here my contributions are valued.
   
   
3. I could be so much more authentic. For example, showing care to others (including younger autistics) felt so much more natural unlike in the prior spiritual environment (which I wrote about above), where as hard and sincere as I tried to care for others, it feel unnatural (probably due to not knowing how to show it in a "neurotypical" way, not understanding the "neurotypical" world etc.). It felt more natural in the autistic community. It didn't take much effort. It came naturally. 
• Outside observers may dismiss this as being "bias" in favour of my own kind - that is a very narrow 1-dimensional view of things and reflects a poor understanding of the autistic experience. It is outside the scope of this blogpost to debate whether there is bias or how much there is.
• However, what I can say for sure is, it felt so much more natural probably because of shared experiences and the ability to speak the same "language" / be on the same "wavelength, and to understand each other to some extent... for as different/varied as our challenges might be and the way our brains work & process info, there is much similarity that can be found because in our "rawest" form, we are all autistic, we have faced discrimination, we have all felt misunderstood etc. 
• As an analogy, it is like how, to some extent, a mother can identify with another mother because both gone through motherhood, or a non-white (in Western context) can identify with another non-white - both know what it is like to be in the minority, to be marginalised! 
• Another analogy is how engineers and engineers can speak the same lingo, likewise accountants with accountants, lawyers with lawyers etc.
  
  
• So to those who think this a mere bias towards one's own kind, take a step back and don't be so judgemental. You don't know what it is like to feel rejected and to not have acceptance, belonging etc. which many humans need but take for granted that they have them. You don't know what it is like to be rejected and then finally find somewhere to be accepted. Don't judge someone's scars; you don't know they got them. And don't see autistics' experiences through your own lens... because we autistics experience things differently, view the world differently, and take roads less travelled (be it voluntarily or involuntarily) And it is NO less authenthic, NO less dignified, than the way you experience and view the world. It is just different.
  
  
4. To some extent, some other autistics (younger ones and peers, maybe even a handful of slightly older ones) do look up to me. The best part is, when I came into the community I didn't go around craving to be looked up to, but it just happened anyway. This brings me back to point 3 - being authentic and natural.

Do NOT Believe the Words of Those who INVALIDATE Your Real Feelings & Struggles.

To all autistics reading this, do not be mistaken... I am not saying pride is not a real problem in humanity. It is! 

But take heed and take heart, 

• if you feel/suffer inferiority complex, evaluate if it is due to the environment you are/were in.
   
• If anyone quickly dismisses your inferiority complex as a pride problem (and worse, do so without even hearing your full story), do NOT be deceived! Do NOT be taken in! Do NOT be quick to believe them! Analyse your unique set of circumstances. If they compare you to others with pride problem, analyse, compare and contrast your experience with those others (especially if they are neurotypical), your experiences are proabably of a differnt kind, a different sort.
  
  
• The above tip applies even to people in authority. Do not be intimidated by their authority (e.g. a teacher, a parent, a spiritual leader, a mentor). I am NOT saying don't respect the position they have earned. But rather, I am saying, their interpretation could be incorrect, they are not perfect... and chances are they do not fully understand how different the autistic experience is.
• Likewise for spiritual leaders - do not be "intimidated' if they tell you it is a pride problem or some other sin, even if they quote scripture. Not because scripture is wrong, but because they are applying scripture wrongly to your situation!
  
  
• TLDR; do NOT let these people INVALIDATE your experiences (e.g. of inferiority complex) - they are real, authentic, genuine and unique to you. Our experiences are no less human, they are just different.

It is damaging to be invalidated. It is easy to be misled into thinking the problem is yourself and not everyone else. Try out different environments, try out the autistic community, and perhaps you may see the light of your situation like I did. And it will be liberating! The truth shall set you free. 

Join us (the autistic community) when you are ready, and we will welcome you, accept you, embrace you and treat you as one of our own. Be part of a community that is so bright, diverse and that gives humanity much cause to celebrate (even though many may not see that).

For more information on inferiority complex, read resources such as the link below:

https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/understanding-inferiority-complex/